Deciding to no longer be married to your spouse is a big decision. Various signs could enable you to make that decision. For example, different life goals, loss of respect, living a bachelor's life, not having sex, having a physical or emotional affair, unresolved issues, not understanding triggers, not listening to your spouse, making decisions without your spouse, using drugs or domestic violence, lying, etc. Try Marriage counseling if you cannot reconcile your differences.
When you marry your partner, you expect it to last for decades, basically until death do us part! But what if, just a few years, months, or even days after marriage, you feel like you're stuck in an elevator with no way out, and if you don't do anything, everything will collapse.
This overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be married anymore slowly creeps into your own life. All the signs are always there, but they go unnoticed for a long time.
Then one day you feel like you don't want to be married anymore!
16 signs you don't want to get married anymore
No one wakes up one day and realizes they don't want to stay in their marriage.
It's an important reason or series of reasons that gradually build up and reach a point where you suddenly get triggered and think about ending it.
Talking about it with your partner is not a viable option.
You end up hurting them and yourself if you can't even explain to them why.
These reasons or warning signs are always there, and it's only possible that you swept them under the rug to avoid paying attention to them. But by looking at them, you can tell if your marriage is finally over or if there's still some wiggle room.
1. Have different goals in life
Everyone has some life goals and expectations, things they want to achieve.
Some people know these goals well, and they may still ignore them and get married; others may not even be aware of it.
Married couples should discuss their goals before avoiding future conflicts.
Having similar goals that can support your marriage and future together as a family is what you need. While it is right to grow as an individual, your goals should not harm your marriage or spouse.
2. Not being able to leave the bachelor life
Getting married doesn't mean that you should be involved in each other's lives at all times, but it also doesn't mean that you go to a bar without telling your partner.
Spending time with other people and with each other is a sign of a healthy marriage and a delicate balance you want to maintain.
You are no longer alone or single to make your decisions without letting your partner know. If you've been doing this a lot lately, it's a sign that you don't want to be in a committed marriage.
3. Losing respect
I think respect is one of the essential pillars of marriage. If you can't respect your partner, you tend not to value anything about them, be it their career or their opinion.
This creates differences that are difficult to bridge.
4. No sex
Not everyone is sexually driven, but sex is very important in married life.
It keeps things exciting, helps you stay intimate, keeps the romance alive, and builds your mutual trust.
If you are both healthy adults, go for weekswithout sexcan create problems in your happy married life.
5. Physical or emotional affair
Having a physical affair is an important sign.
It's also a problem if you're thinking about a possible affair or constantly imagining yourself with other people.
Not just physical, but there is a term known as an emotional affair.
If you seek comfort and confide in someone outside of your marriage, even though there's nothing physical about it, you're practically ejecting yourself from your marriage.
6. Unresolved Issues
Arguing with your partner is normal. Everyone faces ups and downs in their married life but leaves these problems unresolvedwill create distance in your marriage.
If you tend to solve the problem right away, but your partner doesn't even want to talk about it, there are different approaches that require a compromise from both of you.
Discussing problems and trying not to repeat them or discussing how to handle them better in the future is always better than doing nothing about them.
7. Not understanding triggers
You like your home tidy, but your partner works better when things are a bit messy.
What triggers one person may not trigger the other person, and sometimes those triggers change during marriage.
To avoid conflict in a happy marriage, it is important to learn about them and find a common ground.
8. Listening to your spouse
Whether your partner is a speaker or not, listen to them and vice versaessential as communicationin a marriage. If we don't feel heard, we won't be understood either.
Sometimes we don't want solutions to our problems, we just want to vent or feel understood.
Your spouse may not be able to understand the difference between them.
9. Spouse or roommate
Your spouse is not your roommate. Some marriages go on because neither feels something is out of place.
If you live in separate bedrooms, don't spend time together at home or outside, and don't have conversations about your future, you probably live as roommates.
In such cases, imagining her with someone else will not cause you any pain or discomfort.
10. Make decisions
Involving your spouse in decisions is an integral part of married life. Be it to choose ithave children, investing money, changing jobs or other important life decisions.
When you make these big life decisions without involving or consulting your partner about them, it is a possible sign that your married life is in trouble.
11. Adjustments
There is an urgent need to make adjustments with your spouse.
None of you can always have everything go according to your wishes, but finding a middle ground and a common zone is required to avoid conflicts.
You must constantly work on your marriage. Sometimes it can be very easy going, but sometimes you really need to get through the tough times to get into the next good phase of your married life.
12. Marriage Counseling
Especially when individuals are going through mental health issues or a low stage in life where they need professional help, so is couples.
Problems can be so ingrained that you will find them impossible to locate and solve. In such cases, professional therapists come to the rescue.
Never be ashamed of itget helpthis way if it can save your marriage. It is important that your partner is on board, even if therapy is needed.
13. Advice from Close Persons
You and your spouse need to have an inner circle of people to confide in about your inner workings, whether it's your friends or family.
Sometimes we are so blinded by other things that we realize that our contribution to the cause is greater than that of our spouse. In this matter, your inner circle can be impartial and advise you.
Not all advice is good, and not everyone can give constructive advice. But if you trust someone who has helped you in your premarital life, then you may consider seeking their advice.
14. Substance or domestic abuse
Neither of these factors is considered a green flag. During these times, increase your dignity and self-esteem.
When it comes to substance abuse, you can still find professional help for your spouse if they are ready to make life changes. But if you're in an abusive marriage, stepping out is only appropriate.
15. Importance of mental health
If you suffer from mental health problems or suddenly suffer from them, cooperation with your partner is imperative. Sometimes your spouse needs to be more patient with you to keep this marriage going.
But if your partner hasn't made an effort at all, or you always feel drained when you're with them, it could be a sign of a failed partnership.
16. Lies
Lying to your spouse about coming home from the office in 10 minutes when it takes 30 minutes is not such a big deal.
But if you start lying to them about important decisions in your life orhide thingsthis can affect both you and your marriage, then there will be trouble in paradise.
frequently asked Questions
Is It Better To Divorce Or Unhappily Stay Married?
Divorce is still easier if you don't have children. But when you do, most couples take a step back and decide to compromise and stay in an unhappy marriage.
Children can see and realize sooner than later how their parents are in a compromised, unhappy marriage. This can affect them psychologically in various ways that parents don't even realize.
A Princeton University study found that children of parents in unhappy marriages are far less likely to experience divorce themselves when their parents divorce.
What to do when your marriage is over but you can't leave?
Different types of couples have different issues, so it will be difficult to say that there is one thing someone can do in a marriage that is over.
If you can remain best friends and be happy with your spouse, you may consider spending your life with them in this way.
If you are so unhappy and can't get a divorce, your best bet is to see a couples therapist. They can help you identify and overcome the problems and make things better for you.
What is a Toxic Marriage?
A toxic marriage can contain all the harmful qualities. If your marriage affects you in ways that leave you mentally and physically drained and unresolved issues, that is a toxic marriage.
It can stem from various issues like physical abuse, cheating, lying, substance abuse, desertion and many other issues that can cause such ailments.
When should you give up marriage?
When you've tried everything from getting advice from those close to you, working through issues with your spouse, and attending couples therapy, none of it has worked. And it causes you mental or physical discomfort and takes its toll on you as an individual with no solution in sight.
When irreconcilable differences exist between you and your spouse, it is right to consider ending the marriage.
Summarize
Marrying someone sometimes feels like a rose garden where everything is comfortable and light-hearted. Sometimes it feels like climbing a hill with a heavy backpack.
Marriage takes work, adjustments, understanding, loyalty, and communication. If problems arise, you should both be readywork on it togetherand make it work.
Every couple's situation is different, but finding a marriage therapist is a good option. It can make you realize if you can still work things out or if you are heading towards onedivorce!