11 easy-to-miss signs you may not want to marry your partner, even if you think they're right for you (2023)


von Caroline Steber

When you thought of yourselfwant to marry, you could be caught up in all those fuzzy feelings of love and thoughts of the future — as well as the all-encompassing world of wedding planning. But sometimes, even though it all feels so right, there can still be a fewSign marriage is not the best idea, or that your partner might not be "The one."

It's incredibly easy, especially when you truly value your partner's positive qualities. Maybe they are really cute. Or maybe you love how creative they are. Or you two live harmoniously together. If all of this is true, a wedding can seem like a great idea. But when you both have different core values, you have trouble communicating your needs, or if you suspect they don'treallyplanning to get married, it might be a good idea to put the brakes on.

However, that doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. "If you find your relationship isn't healthy or safe, talk about it."Brooke Williams, a licensed professional consultant, tells Hustle. "Most relationships get better when partners really start sharing what's going on inside with their partner. If there are any trust issues or uncertainties, these things can be discussed either together or with the help of an advisor to determine how to proceed."

You can certainly have a healthy relationship from there — and a healthy marriage if you still want to walk that path. However, if you notice any of the following signs, it might be a good idea to stop walking down the aisle.


They have different ideas about what a wedding should look like

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When discussing marriage, if you find yourself disagreeing about your expectations or what you expect from a wedding, it may not bode well. Disagreements when planning a wedding are common, but be aware when those disagreements precede official planshavea wedding while you're talking about it.

"The wedding is almost like the first test of a marriage"Lifecoach Mitzi Bockmanntells hustle. "There are so many details, so many people to consider, money to spend, etc. If you and your partner don't get along when planning your wedding, you could have real trouble staying married." But even if these things are just a hypothetical next step in your relationship, if the two of you are constantly arguing over details about what that day should be, it may indicate certain core values ​​that you differ on.


Financially you can not agree

Whether we are talking about money could be Spending on a wedding or how you deal with everyday money problems as a couple does not bode well if you have wildly different views. "When you're young and in love, money isn't that important. But it definitely becomes so important as you get older and have more responsibilities," says Bockman. "It's important that you at least have complementary views on finances for a marriage to work."


They have not physically connected

While what you do in the bedroom isn't everything — and it's okay not to have sex if you don't want to — a sex life that's slipping from what it used to be can be a sign of trouble in your life be in a relationship And it can even create them.

As Bockman says, if you're both struggling with your sex life right now, chances are it won't get much better in the future — and that becomes more likely with kids showing up if you choose to. You can both work on it, either together or with a therapist, but it may be worth consideringBeforeYou tie that knot.

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You really don't get along with her family

you marry your partnernothis or her family and friends. So if you don't like them (or they don't like you for whatever reason), it's not the end of the world. But this is another issue that should give you pause. As Bockman says, consistently Disagreements with your mother-in-law and other major players in your partner's life can make for a difficult married life. And you might not want to accept that — especially if your significant other isn't willing to step in and help.


Emotional cheating happens

Physical cheating is sometimes a big sign of someone not being a spouse. But emotional betrayal counts too. “Physical cheating is easy to spot and easier to resist. However, emotional cheating, in which you connect more deeply emotionally with someone than you do with your partner (and usually [complain] about your partner), often happens without realizing it,"certified consultant Jonathan Bennetttells hustle. When your partner has someone they care a little bit abouttoBy the way, marriage might not be a good idea. And the reverse is true too — if you find yourself bonding more with someone who isn't your partner, you might want to reconsider marriage.


You lost your identity in the relationship

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A marriage is a partnership between two people who have their own lives outside of the relationship. Or at least it's a great way to maintain a healthy partnership between the two of you.

Therefore, if you find that your partner wants you to sacrifice your individual identity, it may not be a good idea to take the next step. "Often people don't realize that giving up who they are now means that if they give up who they are now, forever means that's what they expect for all the years they've been together," Williams says. Problems like this often get worse over time, so it might be best to do it Either end things now or make an effort to establish your individuality—before you walk down the aisle.


Her friends and family aren't her biggest fans

Being head over heels in love can blind you to problems in your relationship that are obvious to others. Therefore, if your friends, family, or those closest to you aren't big fans of your significant other, you should listen to them.

"Your family and friends aren't in love with your partner and can see their flaws more clearly," says Bennett. "While you shouldn't base your decision solely on the opinions of others, at least consider the merits of their objections." If you discount other, totally unreasonable, reasons why you might not like your partner, you may be right.


You're not the biggest fan of marriage

Does your partner make comments about disagreeing with marriage or joke about monogamy? If these things are important to you, therapistCarrie Krawiec, LMFTBustle says it might be a good idea to apply the brakes. It can be a sign that they disagree with these ideas and may only agree to marriage to make you happy. Make sure you ask them honestly if marriage is something they want because such a monumental step should be agreed upon by both people to maintain a healthy relationship in the future.


You've noticed a red flag or two

If you see a huge red flag (or even a small, pink flag), marriage might not be a good idea just yet — especially if your partner isn't ready to make changes. Whether it's communication issues or subtle habits that hurt you, red flags can become deal breakers over time. As life coach Ninarub insays Bustle, "Let's say you've talked about it and voiced your concerns, but the other person isn't willing to look for alternatives." Because you want to be with someone who appreciates you enough to make a change, and do everything to build a healthier relationship, it may be wise to go your separate ways.

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They keep complaining about the same things

If you keep complaining about the same thing when it comes to your partner, it can be a sign that your partner is not going to make a good marriage partner. "Sure, your partner will have certain behaviors or quirks that annoy you, but I'm talking about the ones that regularly impact your own day-to-day functioning and life and bring you more negativity."Psychotherapist Julia Colangelo, LCSWtells hustle. "Don't wake this up."

In such cases, it can be helpful to see a therapist together to find out why your partner is struggling to make changes. But if nothing improves after that and you want to move on, it might be the healthiest choice to do so.


You can feel it in your gut

Rubin says you can feel it in your stomach when something isn't right. And it's important to listen. If there's something wrong with your partner, if there's a lack of respect or trust, or if you don't think they're all-in, go with your gut. It may very well be right!

From there you can decide how to proceed. If your partner wants to make things work, you can work through your issues together or with a therapist. Or you can choose to end things. All of these options are totally viable as long as they are what is best for you.

(Video) 7 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship


How do you know if you don't want to marry someone? ›

8 signs you're not ready to get married, even if you think you...
  1. You're not willing to compromise. ...
  2. You have trust issues. ...
  3. You're not done "exploring." ...
  4. Someone's always picking a fight. ...
  5. You're keeping secrets. ...
  6. You have an un-confronted addiction. ...
  7. You're in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Feb 1, 2018

Should you marry someone if you have doubts? ›

If you do find yourself having doubts before your wedding, does that mean you definitely shouldn't get married? "No," says Lavner, "but you should pay attention. You know yourself, your partner and your relationship more than anyone else does. If you're having uncertainty, then you should talk about it."

How do you know if you're marrying the right person? ›

Finding the right person to marry? You need to first check if you have some shared goals and beliefs. The person you want to spend the life with should not just be the one you can be yourself around. They should be able to know and understand your goals and dreams and support you in achieving them.

What are the red flags before marriage? ›

Here are a few communication-related red flags to look out for from your partner: Shuts down when having tough, emotional conversations. Runs away from, minimizes, or completely ignores conflict. Searches and finds ways to avoid responsibility (and places the blame on you or others)

What are the red flags in a relationship? ›

Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

What do guys look for in a woman they want to marry? ›

Like women, men want a life partner who will be trustworthy, faithful and reliable. They want a wife who will stand by their side and, considering divorce rates, it's no surprise that dependability would continue to be attractive.

How do you know if its just cold feet? ›

Your feet are at a lower temperature than the rest of your body. You have mild, throbbing pain in your feet and toes. Your feet take longer to warm up if you're exposed to cold temperatures. Your feet are a different color (pale, red, blue or purple) than the rest of your body.

When to call it quits on a relationship? ›

If you're not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it's probably time to move on. Ending a relationship is hard, but it's sometimes the only correct thing to do. If you and your partner aren't connecting on the most fundamental levels, it will be best for both of you to move on.

What does cold feet mean in marriage? ›

What Does it Mean to Have Cold Feet? When people talk about cold feet before a wedding, they are referring to pre-wedding jitters or second thoughts about whether they really want to get married.

Why do I feel I don't want to marry? ›

You feel marriage comes with too many rules and expectations. There are expectations that come with marriage that may push people to not want to get married. There are some antiquated and problematic tropes that come with getting married, akin to your sex life declining or your freedom being limited.

What to do if you dont want to marry someone? ›

Communicate your feelings carefully, and tell your partner why you don't see yourself marrying them. "The most important thing you can do for them to show compassion is to explain why you love them but don't want to marry them," Dr.

Can someone love you and not want to marry you? ›

He may love you fully and completely, but still not want marriage. If he's treating you well, committed to you, and doing the things he says he'll do, his love for you is probably real. He may have a good explanation for why he doesn't want to get married. He also may just not want to, and that's okay, too.

Is it normal to not want to be married? ›

Newsflash: marriage isn't for everyone. Whether you simply don't think it's crucial to your happiness, don't want to spend the money, or straight-up don't believe in it (for whatever reason), deciding not to get married is perfectly okay.


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